I always blamed myself for being lucky and not being extra talented.Just hated myself for having a mediocre life,no extra outstanding talents as such.Seriously naive,mundane life.How much I tried to prove,not to others but to myself that i have that outstanding quality ,that spark in me,everytime I tried i failed.The more I tried ,the more nervous I got.at a point in my life I declaredthat I was that common person in the crowd,the sheep in the herd not even the black ship!I am not and I never will be that rockstar of the century.Because nothing uptill now nothing had happened in my life had proved that.Yes there were some turning points,achievements,but they did not satisfy me because that was not exactly what i had always yearned for.
But inspite of all this craving for being a winner and the struggle to get out of that loser coat I still had a good life.Leaving aside this part of life,life had been good to me.I never had to struggle really hard for my survival as such.I was blessed with a secure life,protective parents,caring siblings and a good friends circle.And still I am crying for being a loser.And I don't mind to do the same for the rest of my life.....what difference is it going to make if I keep on doing so.The world will remain same and so will I .But then just while doing the usual cribbing business ,for a moment suddenly a question just popped up for no reason and it was not supporting my sucked up ,failed life.It stated that why was I even blessed for??If i had born in a poor family or devasted country ,it would have had been far more better.I would have had atleast got a reason to struggle and I would have not got struck in this horrible vicious circle of faliure attitude.But no I was born lucky, left out free do what I wanted to.Not many restrictions,no fears apart from that stupid loser thing!May be there is areason for this too.......may be I was not suppose to spend my time in improving myself but should spend time in improving something else............may be I was born lucky to make others lives lucky........I can go n help the needy.........and there are many who need that ray of hope in the dark world of their's......life is more than what I think....the happiness in there eyes may be will make me free......don't know but this thought soothes me and keeps me away from that loser ghost ,,,,,,,,,,,,,wat say????
Am i being mean or selfish????trying to help myself out by helping others............but then i m just another girl in pursuit of peace ...........of mind................
